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Thread: Hey, Swamp-dude...

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  1. #1
    Senior Member DParker's Avatar
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    Hey, Swamp-dude...

    Just a heads up: Jeff Bezos wife is about to become his ex-wife, and could potentially walk away from the deal with nearly $75 billion...instantly making her the hottest woman on the planet. Maybe she fancies a guy in camo with cats who appreciates the classic lines of the Ford Bronco...I'm just sayin'.

    https://www.cnbc.com/2019/01/09/jeff...ivorcing-.html

    To quote Noble Willingham's character from The Last Boy Scout:

    "You follow me, Joe? We're talking about some big bucks here. We're talking about billions. That's nine zeroes, son."
    Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
    - Diemon Dave

  2. #2
    Senior Member bluecat's Avatar
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    It would take most of that to detail his Bronco - shell casings, varmint parts, pulleys, Harris Teeter receipts with bogus phone numbers on the back, cat toys, old Field and Stream magazines, worn out whisker biscuits, photographs of Luv2 in his flannel shirt, remnants of cooler projects, half-eaten rotten liverwurst sandwich wedged between the seats, trigger mechanism to a Remington 870, a 1976 Bass Pro catalog with some long johns circled, a slightly used picture of Eva Shockey stapled to the visor, door handle to the left rear passenger door, broken bag of Friskies accompanied by mouse droppings, a burlap bag with something still moving in it, duct tape, 8-track tapes of Jethro Tull used to plug the rusted hole in the floor, a well-worn Members Only jacket used to keep the sun off the empty minnow bucket with crispy minnow remnants attached to the sides, two parking tickets, one moving violation for going 35 miles under the speed limit and excessive exhaust and a warning for having a folding lawn chair as a driver's seat, vise-grips holding the dashboard to the frame, can of WD-40 rolling around, Pat Boone cassette tape with the tape pulled out and wrapped around a dog-eared cardboard box containing Spaghettios and Cornnuts.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member DParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluecat View Post
    It would take most of that to detail his Bronco - shell casings, varmint parts, pulleys, Harris Teeter receipts with bogus phone numbers on the back, cat toys, old Field and Stream magazines, worn out whisker biscuits, photographs of Luv2 in his flannel shirt, remnants of cooler projects, half-eaten rotten liverwurst sandwich wedged between the seats, trigger mechanism to a Remington 850, a 1976 Bass Pro catalog with some long johns circled, a slightly used picture of Eva Shockey stapled to the visor, door handle to the left rear passenger door, broken bag of Friskies accompanied by mouse droppings, a burlap bag with something still moving in it, duct tape, 8-track tapes of Jethro Tull used to plug the rusted hole in the floor, a well-worn Members Only Jacket used to keep the sun off the empty minnow bucket with crispy minnow remnants attached to the sides, two parking tickets, one moving violation for going 35 miles under the speed limit and excessive exhaust and a warning for having a folding lawn chair as a driver's seat, vise-grips holding the dash board to the frame, can of WD-40 rolling around, Pat Boone cassette tape with the tape pulled out and wrapped around a dog-eared cardboard box containing Spagettios and Cornnuts.
    +87. That's sheer poetry.
    Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
    - Diemon Dave

  4. #4
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluecat View Post
    It would take most of that to detail his Bronco - shell casings, varmint parts, pulleys, Harris Teeter receipts with bogus phone numbers on the back, cat toys, old Field and Stream magazines, worn out whisker biscuits, photographs of Luv2 in his flannel shirt, remnants of cooler projects, half-eaten rotten liverwurst sandwich wedged between the seats, trigger mechanism to a Remington 870, a 1976 Bass Pro catalog with some long johns circled, a slightly used picture of Eva Shockey stapled to the visor, door handle to the left rear passenger door, broken bag of Friskies accompanied by mouse droppings, a burlap bag with something still moving in it, duct tape, 8-track tapes of Jethro Tull used to plug the rusted hole in the floor, a well-worn Members Only jacket used to keep the sun off the empty minnow bucket with crispy minnow remnants attached to the sides, two parking tickets, one moving violation for going 35 miles under the speed limit and excessive exhaust and a warning for having a folding lawn chair as a driver's seat, vise-grips holding the dashboard to the frame, can of WD-40 rolling around, Pat Boone cassette tape with the tape pulled out and wrapped around a dog-eared cardboard box containing Spaghettios and Cornnuts.

    I just re-read this.

    Fact check: Spooky true. ...


    I'd say someone has been taking notes to wind up with 98% accuracy like that ... And it's not 99% only because '95 Broncos don't have rear doors, LOL

    But I will say I have the handle to the *driver's* door in there somewhere ...

  5. #5
    Senior Member bluecat's Avatar
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    ...and last but not least an oil stained training bra (rose in front) stuffed into the radiator as a makeshift cap.
    Zombie Response Team

    I write English not so well, but this thin string for sewing or fabric-making my funny wheel getickles. Baron von Schtupp

  6. #6
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    Pretty sure I've told this story on here before, but what the hell:

    Buddy of mine meets a wealthy doctor who has a single daughter. (Two, actually, but he didn't tell me about the other one. I met her later, but that's another story.)

    This is when we're in our mid-20's. We're driving up to Danville, Va. (1.5 hours away) on a Saturday night to go to this country music bar called the Flaming Arrow, which was totally straight LOL but which burned down under mysterious circumstances two or three years later. Anyway, this is because we've worn out our welcome in most of eastern and central NC and pockets of coastal SC, and weren't willing to travel west to meet any hillbilly girls. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

    So, in the course of talking about some business on the drive (you'd have to know this guy) my buddy lets it drop that this doctor is worth six million dollars. Then he says I should meet the daughter. I'm pretty sure he said something about how she was supposed to be a good cook, which is probably what set off my Trouble Detectors. This WAS a long time ago, but I do remember alarms going off in my head for some reason.

    So, naturally, I asked the all-important question before committing to anything: "What does she look like?"

    My buddy turns to me and says, "Chris --- Six million dollars! That's a lot of hunting and fishing!"

  7. #7
    Senior Member bluecat's Avatar
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    You should have asked about tracts of land. Dealbreaker.
    Zombie Response Team

    I write English not so well, but this thin string for sewing or fabric-making my funny wheel getickles. Baron von Schtupp

  8. #8
    Senior Member DParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swamp Fox View Post
    I met her later, but that's another story.
    That's the one I want to hear.
    Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
    - Diemon Dave

  9. #9
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluecat View Post
    You should have asked about tracts of land. Dealbreaker.
    Quote Originally Posted by DParker View Post
    That's the one I want to hear.


    LOL ....



  10. #10
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    You had me until the Pat Boone cassette, but nice save when you nailed the CornNuts.



    Wait ... Can I say that on the internet?

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