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Thread: The Porky Chronicles

  1. #51
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    Okay, this is my best effort.

    Could be the new theme song for this sub-forum...LOL


    Everything Will Be [or "Is"] Made Out of Minced Meat


    Excuse me, do you have Cevapcici [a type of Balkan sausage]?
    I’m sorry if I gawk. [Those are] beautiful Konigsberg meatballs.
    What’s up? Do you have cutlet?
    Make me chili con carne. I want to fly the meat flag!

    In Blankensese, they eat Bolognese [an Italian meat sauce].
    Listen, you folding shovels! I want meatloaf now!
    Or Frickadelle [a type of flat fried meat patty made with beef, pork, bread, eggs and milk] or you’ll get a clamp!
    I’m going to be like the assassin, and will shit out minced meat later.

    Refrain:
    Everything will be [or “is”] made out of minced meat!
    Minced meat says “Good Day!” to me!
    I have a minced meal, because I like to eat minced meat!
    Don’t just come with tofu. I find that stupid, you!
    One thing he noticed quickly: He’s minced-meat-sexual!
    And without his minced meat he quickly becomes criminal!

    I'm not like everyone, I stand on minced meat and leather,
    Eat chopped boars and look at Claus Kleber
    And Gundula Gause [German journalists/TV hosts].
    I always have minced meat at home,
    Go to the zoo, have a look at raw pork hedgehogs, and so on;
    My watch is always half and half,
    Frickadellen also taste cold,
    Come, hack the calf! It's already six weeks old!

    And then, depending on the spelling of the word I can't quite make out (because of the German accent, LOL) the last thing that is said on the video is:


    Mein Arsch ist noch ganz locker----"My ass is still quite loose"

    or

    Mein Arsch ist noch ganz locken---"My ass is still totally punching holes"

    or

    Mein Arsch ist noch ganz lachen---"My ass is still totally laughing."




    Who said the Germans aren't funny? ---Not me!....LOL

  2. #52
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    So, I think it's safe to say that some things DO sound better in German...

    Weird. Another myth busted...LOL



  3. #53
    Senior Member DParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swamp Fox View Post
    Okay, this is my best effort.

    Could be the new theme song for this sub-forum...LOL





    And then, depending on the spelling of the word I can't quite make out (because of the German accent, LOL) the last thing that is said on the video is:


    Mein Arsch ist noch ganz locker----"My ass is still quite loose"

    or

    Mein Arsch ist noch ganz locken---"My ass is still totally punching holes"

    or

    Mein Arsch ist noch ganz lachen---"My ass is still totally laughing."




    Who said the Germans weren't funny? ---Not me!....LOL
    I'm WAY too sober for this right now. I'll read it again later tonight.
    Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
    - Diemon Dave

  4. #54
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    I think you have the right idea.

  5. #55
    Senior Member bluecat's Avatar
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    That's it? That's all ya got?
    Zombie Response Team

    I write English not so well, but this thin string for sewing or fabric-making my funny wheel getickles. Baron von Schtupp

  6. #56
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    Sometimes it's hard to know what to say about the Germans...

  7. #57
    Senior Member DParker's Avatar
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    Well, the venison pâté and heart thread didn't generate much interest, so...

    It's been a good 5˝ months since I made my first batch of bacon, and now I'm down to my last few slices. So I pulled my 12 lb slab of Costco pork belly out of the freezer yesterday morning and let it thaw.



    Feeling experimental, I decided to subdivide it into three 4 lb slabs and try a different recipe on each one.



    After much searching for inspiration I settled on the following flavorings:

    1) "Chili", using smoked paprika, cumin and chili powder (no beans!).
    2) Cracked black pepper, garlic, espresso and goji berries...because someone gave me some spices for Christmas, and it included goji berries, so...why the hell not?
    3) A combination of "Backdraft Fire Sauce" and "Louisiana Habanero Hot Sauce".



    Each starts out with a basic cure (kosher salt, brown sugar and curing salt #1...aka sodium nitrite). First, we need to precisely measure the 4.53 grams of nitrite that each batch needs...which of course is a job for a gunpowder scale.



    This is some laboratory level stuff, so it's a good thing my quality assurance supervisor was keeping an eye on the operation, making sure I didn't screw anything up.



    The Cheapo Depot kitchen scale will do for measuring the kosher salt and brown sugar.



    {continued in next post}
    Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
    - Diemon Dave

  8. #58
    Senior Member DParker's Avatar
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    {continued from previous post}

    Now that we have 3 doses of basic cure, it's time to start assembling some of our additives.



    The dry ingredients are all assembled, with two of them awaiting their wet components.



    One slab covered in chili cure and in the bag.



    All three slabs covered in savory cure goodness and ready for the fridge. From left to right, hot sauce, coffee and chili.



    We'll find out in a week (or two, if something comes up and I don't have time to do the smoking next Sunday) whether or not any of this was a good idea.
    Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
    - Diemon Dave

  9. #59
    Senior Member Swamp Fox's Avatar
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    I'm still following along on the other thread. I'm headed over there right now.

    What's with the .03 on the curing salt? I know you have to be careful with it, but .03? Maybe I have to consult Google for some education.

    Espresso bacon, huh? Not sure how I feel about that ... LOL

  10. #60
    Senior Member DParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swamp Fox View Post
    What's with the .03 on the curing salt? I know you have to be careful with it, but .03? Maybe I have to consult Google for some education.
    I use a calculator that computes cure ingredients by weight in grams to 2 decimal places. And although 0.1 gram precision is plenty of accuracy for nitrite dosing, the scale measures to 0.01 gram, so I went with the exact amount the calculator specified...because I could.

    Quote Originally Posted by Swamp Fox View Post
    Espresso bacon, huh? Not sure how I feel about that ... LOL
    Strike "espresso" and replace it with "strong coffee" if that'll help.
    Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
    - Diemon Dave

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