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  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Hours Ago
    An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. "Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I want for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa I really don’t like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead. " "You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino." "Soma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. What do you do than? Point to your watch and say TIMES UP?"
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    23 Hours Ago
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father what they are. The dad replies, "Well son, those are condoms and they're for protection when you're having sex." The son then picks up one of the packs and asks why it has three in it. The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." The son then picks up one with six condoms and asks, "Why six?" The dad replies, "Well son, those are for college men. Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday." The son then notices the 12 pack of condoms and asks the same question. The dad replies, "Son, those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March...."
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Chevy SS in Podunk Corner
    ...and you step in to a diner and order two chickens and a coke.
    23 replies | 194 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Chevy SS in Podunk Corner
    fify, lol
    23 replies | 194 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Solar Eclipse in Podunk Corner
    Didn't notice a change in temperature. It is overcast and rainy so I just caught about 3 4-sec glimpses of it.
    8 replies | 48 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Solar Eclipse in Podunk Corner
    Just came off the parking garage like DP. We experienced 98.9%. Overcast so only saw a glimpse. Figured it would be very dark and it was not. Thanks for the pic DP.
    8 replies | 48 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Was cleaning out the freezer and noticed a pile of beef back ribs and short ribs. So I rubbed them in molasses, brown sugar, salt and cracked pepper. Put them in the smoker. Kept them around 200 + for around 5 hours. Trout in background. Brined that in sugar, salt, lemon juice and bay leaves. That smoked for around 3 and half hours. Juicy.
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    If we're going to have a fight at least have some ring girls.
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Swampy quit posting that. I've wasted enough time already watching it. :wink
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    4 Days Ago
    It was a brilliant joke and we appreciate your efforts.
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    +3 LOL! Think of it this way. It could have been a lot worse. It could have been Nancy Pelosi, Dianne Feinstein and Opra. He would have woken up without a soul, without a brain and owed taxes on a new car.
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the Irishman. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good Irish Whiskey?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too."
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
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  • bluecat's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers she found a little lamp. She picked it up and wiped it off with her apron, when "POOF" out popped Genie. "I will grant you three wishes" proclaimed the Genie. The woman thought for a moment and said "I wish I was the most beautiful 20 year old woman in the world, I wish I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I wish you would turn my cat into the most handsome prince around." The Genie nodded and after a huge cloud of dust cleared, the Genie was gone and so was the lamp. The woman looked at herself and she was certainly beautiful. She was surrounded with scads of money in Large Bills. She flung an armful in the air and watched it flutter down around her. She giggled with delight at the mountains of cash. Then she turned to look where her adoring cat once stood. There in the feline's place stood a tall, dark, handsome man with chiseled features, a washboard stomach, broad shoulders, and a soccer-players-tush. She walked over to him, he put his arms around her, brushed his hand upon her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and whispered softly, "Now, aren't you sorry that you had me neutered?"
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    You guys and your German food. I'm hungry now. Thanks a lot.
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/85i5CpyBv-Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> :wink
    71 replies | 1050 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    What did you put in your pickling brine?
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Cows: With a New Twist DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? ......It's not your fault he didn't stay in school. Never-the-less, ultimately you take pity on your neighbor and see that his children have milk, while you encourage him to accept responsibility for his situation and to work hard to acquire his own cows. SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over how ever many cows you really have. POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one. NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Had to look this up to remember the differences. Looks great DP. http://www.differencebetween.net/object/comparisons-of-food-items/difference-between-pastrami-and-corned-beef/
    88 replies | 702 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Survivors in Photography
    +1 Congrats Bob, you are on the board.
    18 replies | 213 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Friday music vids in Podunk Corner
    649 replies | 51493 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Friday music vids in Podunk Corner
    Great song. Wow, that is a dome.
    649 replies | 51493 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Actual Lines from Resumes I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume. I am sicking and entry-level position. It's best for employers that I not work with people. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated. If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope. My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular. You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate! I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity. Please disregard the attached resume—it is terribly out of date. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately. Previous experience: Self-employed--a fiasco. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business. My experience in horticulture is well-rooted. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years. I am a rabid typist. Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984. I have a bachelorette degree in computers. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math. Graduated in the top 66% of my class. Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes. I worked as a Corporate Lesion. Special Skills: Speak English. Served as assistant sore manager. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel. Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis
    871 replies | 24632 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    More women in bird cages please.
    71 replies | 1050 view(s)
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About bluecat
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turtle wrangler

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I write English not so well, but this thin string for sewing or fabric-making my funny wheel getickles. Baron von Schtupp

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