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  • bluecat's Avatar
    22 Hours Ago
    A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers she found a little lamp. She picked it up and wiped it off with her apron, when "POOF" out popped Genie. "I will grant you three wishes" proclaimed the Genie. The woman thought for a moment and said "I wish I was the most beautiful 20 year old woman in the world, I wish I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I wish you would turn my cat into the most handsome prince around." The Genie nodded and after a huge cloud of dust cleared, the Genie was gone and so was the lamp. The woman looked at herself and she was certainly beautiful. She was surrounded with scads of money in Large Bills. She flung an armful in the air and watched it flutter down around her. She giggled with delight at the mountains of cash. Then she turned to look where her adoring cat once stood. There in the feline's place stood a tall, dark, handsome man with chiseled features, a washboard stomach, broad shoulders, and a soccer-players-tush. She walked over to him, he put his arms around her, brushed his hand upon her cheek, looked deep into her eyes and whispered softly, "Now, aren't you sorry that you had me neutered?"
    853 replies | 24018 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    22 Hours Ago
    You guys and your German food. I'm hungry now. Thanks a lot.
    52 replies | 269 view(s)
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  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/85i5CpyBv-Q" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> :wink
    71 replies | 951 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    What did you put in your pickling brine?
    52 replies | 269 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    Cows: With a New Twist DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? ......It's not your fault he didn't stay in school. Never-the-less, ultimately you take pity on your neighbor and see that his children have milk, while you encourage him to accept responsibility for his situation and to work hard to acquire his own cows. SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over how ever many cows you really have. POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one. NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
    853 replies | 24018 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Day Ago
    Had to look this up to remember the differences. Looks great DP. http://www.differencebetween.net/object/comparisons-of-food-items/difference-between-pastrami-and-corned-beef/
    52 replies | 269 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Survivors in Photography
    +1 Congrats Bob, you are on the board.
    18 replies | 192 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Friday music vids in Podunk Corner
    648 replies | 51313 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Friday music vids in Podunk Corner
    Great song. Wow, that is a dome.
    648 replies | 51313 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    Actual Lines from Resumes I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume. I am sicking and entry-level position. It's best for employers that I not work with people. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated. If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope. My fortune cookie said, "Your next interview will result in a job." And I like your company in particular. You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate! I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity. Please disregard the attached resume—it is terribly out of date. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately. Previous experience: Self-employed--a fiasco. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business. My experience in horticulture is well-rooted. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years. I am a rabid typist. Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984. I have a bachelorette degree in computers. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math. Graduated in the top 66% of my class. Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes. I worked as a Corporate Lesion. Special Skills: Speak English. Served as assistant sore manager. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel. Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis
    853 replies | 24018 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    2 Days Ago
    More women in bird cages please.
    71 replies | 951 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    Climb tree to stand, wait.
    48 replies | 633 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    6 Days Ago
    That's it? That's all ya got?
    55 replies | 524 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    awful
    71 replies | 951 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    +2 My dog has no nose.
    71 replies | 951 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    I think this is what you were referring to. Note: giant wolf in background.
    71 replies | 951 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Swampy are you compiling a book? Lol! +2
    853 replies | 24018 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    I knowed that.
    35 replies | 415 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    bluecat replied to a thread Ask The Experts in Podunk Corner
    I'm in a situation exactly like that. I don't know if there is anything you can say or do that will change her mind. Let her eat her humus. As long as she is eating, she ain't talking. So sorry you have to deal with someone that is so superior.
    142 replies | 3967 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    + 4 and the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.
    55 replies | 524 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    "Well I got better."
    55 replies | 524 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    "Build a stairway to heaven out of him?"
    55 replies | 524 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    How much did Swampy pay you? Lol!
    71 replies | 951 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    It's a pretty fascinating subject. There was a show on the Food Network. Title escapes me but it was something to the effect of "How stuff is made." There was an episode about how they cure ham in Italy using the old fashion techniques. It might have even been an Alton Brown thing. It's all running together. You really wonder how many people died before they got it all worked out. Lol!
    55 replies | 524 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    ...with lots of hand holding and gum chewing.
    35 replies | 415 view(s)
  • bluecat's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    It looks like a romance comedy.
    35 replies | 415 view(s)
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I write English not so well, but this thin string for sewing or fabric-making my funny wheel getickles. Baron von Schtupp

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