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  • DParker's Avatar
    9 Hours Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    Well, to be fair, they are magically delicious.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    13 Hours Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    Oh, and I'd almost forgotten that it was also time to take the copa (the so-called "money muscle" cut from a pork shoulder) out of the fridge where it's been curing in a mix of cure #1, herbs and spices for the past 2 weeks, give it a good coating of smoked paprika... ...and seal it in an "Umai Dry" bag (https://umaidry.com/) so it can go back into the fridge for 1-2 months to dry cure into capicola (aka "capocollo", "coppa", "gabagool", et al). Hopefully it will turn out something like this... Cue Carly Simon's Anticipation.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    13 Hours Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    You'll be singing a different tune when the machines take over and I'm spared a life of slavery in the copper mines because one of our overlords is sweet on me. But, in the meantime... The one constant at breakfast in Ireland at the B&B we stayed at...apart from everything being delicious...was the fresh-baked brown soda bread (aka simply "brown bread") that our hostess put on the table every morning. I grew quite fond of it, as well as the full Irish breakfast, and have been craving some ever since we came back. Since our local eateries have thus far ignored my pleas to begin serving fresh-baked brown bread I resolved to make my own. Working 4 day weeks leaves me with most Fridays to putter around the house by myself when I don't have chores that need tending to, so I used this morning to scratch this particular gustatory itch. Although brown bread is like Ireland's version of gumbo in that if you ask 50 different little old Irish ladies how to make it, you'll get 100 slightly different answers. Plus, there's nearly endless possibilities for tweaks and texture/flavor enhancing add-ons. But at it's most basic it's ridiculously simple, consisting of coarse wholemeal (that's "whole wheat" in Yank-speak) flour, some all-purpose flour (or not...that's one of the variants), baking soda, buttermilk, salt, butter (or oil) and maybe an egg or two. There's no kneading or proofing, as it's a no-yeast bread that uses the carbon dioxide produced by the combination of baking soda and the acidic buttermilk as a rising agent. Everything just gets mixed together in a bowl which, depending on your flour-to-liquid ratios, produced either a very loose and wet dough that's poured into a loaf pan, or a tighter, drier one that is formed into a circular blob on a baking sheet. I went with a 2:1 ratio of whole wheat to all-purpose flours, went with olive oil instead of butter, opted to use an egg, added a little wheat germ for extra fiber and texture and, since I didn't have any buttermilk on hand, mixed some yogurt (also homemade) into some milk to produce the same effect. I also added 1 Tbsp of honey. The amounts of stuff I used resulted in a dough that was nearer the wet-and-loose end of the spectrum, so I went the loaf pan route. Extra coarse whole wheat flour proved a challenge to find locally, so for added authenticity I had Jeff Bezos send me a bag of actual Irish wholemeal (delivered in 1 day....living near 2 Amazon fulfillment centers rocks): It went into a 400F oven for 45 minutes and then spent another 30 minutes cooling on a rack. This was the result: Slathered in some Kerrygold butter it's pretty much exactly as I remember it. I lightly toasted a couple slices and substituted them for the whole wheat toast that usually accompanies my weekend bacon-and-eggs. The result was not a full Irish breakfast (more like a half-assed one), but it's a start. Next, I think I'll try making some Irish bacon, which is cured and smoked pork loin rather than belly. Beans, tomatoes and mushrooms will be easy, but the black and white puddings might prove to be a challenge. Oh well, one step at a time.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    5 Days Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    Alexa reminds me that it's time to take the pork shoulder out of the sous vide bath and put it in the smoker. Either that or she's hitting on me....cheeky monkey.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    And don't even get me started about the U.S.S. Enterprise constantly circling Uranus in search of Klingons.
    9 replies | 148 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    DParker replied to a thread In Memoriam ... in Podunk Corner
    I can't take him like that. It's against regulations!
    31 replies | 266 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    DParker replied to a thread In Memoriam ... in Podunk Corner
    Here -- he says he's not dead!
    31 replies | 266 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    Wait...you're telling me that a demographic that is disproportionately represented in urban populations is more likely to be exposed to pollutants that are present in higher levels in....urban environments? Stop the presses and get those folks a government research grant!!!
    1069 replies | 63690 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    DParker replied to a thread In Memoriam ... in Podunk Corner
    ????
    31 replies | 266 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    1 Week Ago
    DParker replied to a thread turkey pot call in Podunk Corner
    17 replies | 321 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    2 Weeks Ago
    Whatever they were, they certainly made Ashes of themselves.
    1069 replies | 63690 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    2 Weeks Ago
    Trees are well known for being virulent racists.
    1069 replies | 63690 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    2 Weeks Ago
    I'm more worried about catching Claud Cooper from Cleveland, who copped Carson's copper clappers.
    12 replies | 397 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    Cracker, please... <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lxxI4USXv4o?start=87" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>
    12 replies | 397 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    Hey, you knew we required adult supervision.
    12 replies | 397 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    OK, now it all makes sense.
    12 replies | 397 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    I'll see your political pillow and raise you another reason (as if anybody needed one) to not take the mouth-breathing window lickers at Vox or SJWs in general seriously. SJWs tackle the racist world of knitting Which prompts me to wonder: If I don't knit, am I permitted to address someone who does as, "My knitter!" Or must I go with, "My knitta'!" ?
    12 replies | 397 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    I know I was. So I walked to the bar and ordered another beer. Itch scratched.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    It's quite liberating when you think to yourself, "I just ate a deep-fried chunk of beef fat...and that's OK."
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    3/4 lb chicken-fried smoked brisket smothered in burnt end gravy and sitting on a bed of mashed potatoes. Oh, and...beer. 'Murica.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    Definitely not safe for work, but...funny.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Sausage. in Podunk Corner
    38 replies | 810 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Sausage. in Podunk Corner
    Right. No cure needed. In fact it would be ill-advised. Do you have a vacuum sealer? They're great for several purposes, and can extend the freezer life of foods to as long as 2 years, or even more.
    38 replies | 810 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    3 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Sausage. in Podunk Corner
    Sort of. Curing doesn't have anything to do with smoking. It's used to remove moisture from the meat as a preservation technique, which also alters the flavor characteristics. But if you're just making regular sausage that will be refrigerated and fully cooked before being eaten then no cure mixture should be used. Making cured sausages (salamis and stuff like that) involves hanging them to dry cure exposed to air in a temperature and humidity controlled container of some sort for an extended period of time (days, weeks, months or even a year or more). You're not doing that, so don't add anything containing curing salts (sodium nitrite or sodium nitrate) to the meat. Just use whatever seasonings (herbs and spices) float your boat. Note that my treatment of curing here is a gross oversimplification of the subject, and if you're really interested in it there's a bit of reading to be done to ensure that you know what it's all about and do it safely. If you want to try it I highly recommend starting with something easier like bacon or pastrami. Cured sausages are a little more advanced, and I haven't even tried doing any myself as I still haven't managed to put together a proper curing chamber for it.
    38 replies | 810 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    4 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Sausage. in Podunk Corner
    I haven't had any problems doing that with them. I just can't tell you how they compare with natural casings. But follow the instructions they come with and they work fine.
    38 replies | 810 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    4 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Sausage. in Podunk Corner
    Well, you know what they say: "You gotta' dance with the one that braut ya'." I'm thinking you'd probably want to add a little more pork fat to the mix to offset the lean venison. Personally, I'd with just a hair under 1/2 lb of bacon, which will add not only needed fat, but bacony flavor goodness as well. As for casings, I've only ever used collagen, so I can't compare them to natural casings. They worked fine though.
    38 replies | 810 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    4 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    And a genius.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    4 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    LOL! So not only did he leave a trail of easily traceable breadcrumbs by using his phone to text the brothers when recruiting them, he paid them for their part in the hoax....wait for it....with a check! Stop it....I'm gonna' pee! Oh, man...my sides are aching.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    4 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    And I think that's likely going to be a much bigger problem for him. My guess is that he'll cop a plea with Chicago and get a relative slap on the wrist, at least compared to what he could and should get. But if the feds make a case on a a hoax terrorism threat through the mail, that will be a much harder thing to skate on. The USPS doesn't play.
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
  • DParker's Avatar
    4 Weeks Ago
    DParker replied to a thread Y'all want me to... in Podunk Corner
    Doh! It looks like Jussie is seriously hosed (and not in a way that he'd like). As expected, CPD got his cellular call and text records (along with a bunch of other solid evidence), which not only corroborate what the Nigerian brothers told them, but also contain details on Smollett recruiting them for the hoax...as well as....wait for it...past dealings in which one of them supplied him with ecstasy and other designer drugs. <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Here is what Cook County prosecutors read in court just now - allegations against <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/JussieSmollett?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#JussieSmollett</a> <a href="https://t.co/QkVYoyqnDA">pic.twitter.com/QkVYoyqnDA</a></p>&mdash; Megan Crepeau (@crepeau) <a href="https://twitter.com/crepeau/status/1098678196973772800?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 21, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
    70 replies | 1915 view(s)
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TX, where the chili has no beans

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Don't go ninja-in' nobody don't need ninja-in'.
- Diemon Dave

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